Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Randomize
