I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
