His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
