i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
