for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Randomize
