his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
