She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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