lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
