im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
