OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
