i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
You are a genius and a whore.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
