forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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