Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
im holly from the hills drunk
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Randomize
