I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
