I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
