I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
