i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
