so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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