Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
