the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
