Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
