nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I did not marry a roomba.
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