you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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