fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Who died my cat blue again?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
