Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
