If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
