so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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