dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize
