.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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