the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
