I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
