its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
