he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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