If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
