She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
how drunk are you?
Several
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
