gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
