I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
