in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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