Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Sorry my hands just texted you
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
