I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Hippo gnu deer
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
