The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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