then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
and you fell through a lawn chair
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
PANTIES FOUND
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