Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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