I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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