Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
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