1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
