im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
