Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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