The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
