Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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