im drinking this country out of the recession.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Randomize
