i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
