she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
