aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
