Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
