But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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