Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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